La vita d'una diva

On when technology is A Good Thing (TM) - well, kind of...

2011-04-24T01:33:00.001+01:00

Evening all,

I started writing this blog this afternoon. I shall edit the first section to explain:

***

So, I'm trying out mobile blogging. (Ed - it didn't work)
I'm hoping that this will mean I use my blog more...but who knows. (Ed - I have set my blog as a favourite on my browser instead and shall just update it the normal way...hopefully this will still mean that I blog more...but who...wait, we've done that bit already. Sorry.)

***

This month, I have mainly been acting in my capacity as The Cover in Diva Opera's production rehearsal for Rigoletto. In theory, I am covering Countess Ceprano (11 words...and 3 of them are the same) and Giovanna (a few more words, and a vastly increased character, which was a joy to develop actually) - in practice, I have also been standing in for the third non-Gilda soprano in the piece, who couldn't make rehearsals until the second week or so...

Covering is an interesting thing. I imagine when I cover a bigger role, of the type that one has to get incredibly emotionally involved in, I will find it even harder/more strange than I have found this month.

The odd thing about rehearsals for Rigoletto is that I was the first of all these roles to rehearse (for various reasons). Working with a highly interpretative director such as we have on Rigoletto, this has meant that I was there for all the initial discussions in developing the characters, and for all the initial choreography sessions. By the time the leading singers were able to attend rehearsals, a lot of things had been set in stone, both geographically and interpretatively. This was especially true for the role of Giovanna, which this production is portraying as quite underhand and out-for-what-she-can-get. This situation is strange from my point of view, as there is an element that feels like the character is already part of me, but I will probably not get to perform it (although, in the case of Giovanna, I do actually have a guaranteed performance). Additionally, one imagines that it's quite strange for the leading singer, because that initial part of the process is not available to them when forming the character.

Is this typical? Will this happen more as I cover, and when I am leading, will this part of the process sometimes not be available to me? Are the "stars" always there from day 1 of production? I can't imagine Gheorghiu sitting down and having a day-long discussion about the director's interpretation of Violetta...can you?

xx

On the downside of being surrounded by technology...

2011-03-27T10:04:00.000+01:00

I don't have (wear?) a watch. I haven't for quite a while. Why would I? One glance from where I am currently sitting in my lounge gives me three time checks (netbook, TV, phone), and if I wonder into the kitchen, I have another one on the (otherwise defunct microwave).

The clocks went forward last night. I have a rehearsal for Traviata today, which is starting at 11 instead of 12, so I wasn't looking forward to feeling 2 hours out rather than 1...

My phone (Blackberry, don'tcha know) is new, and therefore we haven't been through a GMT/BST change yet. I thought "I'll set the time forward before I go to bed so that I am up in plenty of time for my rehearsal". The alarm went off at 8 - not entirely sure why I decided on 8, as I'm not getting picked up until 10, but I wasn't entirely awake when I set it, so I obviously went for the "earlier is safer" option.

So I sleep in until my phone says 9 (because in my slightly more awakened state I realise that I only need an hour - if that - to get ready). I drag myself into the shower, get together all my bits and pieces for dress rehearsal (and I'm a soprano, so there are a lot of bits and pieces) and look at my phone. Hmm. 10.10. Where's my lift?

Walk into the kitchen and look at the microwave (which I set forward an hour myself before going to bed so to be sure - between that and the morning news programmes - that I would have a definite time check, independent of phones and network settings).

9.10.

GAH.

Well at least I'm awake, eh?

In other news...

So, today is Traviata dress rehearsal. I'm slightly scared, to be honest, because there are just *so many* words and I have only really known them all for a week or so. There will be mistakes, I am sure, and we're being conducted today by Chris Gill, rather than by Juan who has been taking the rehearsals. Chris already employed me for Carmen later in the year, so I do hope I don't make too much of an idiot out of myself. We shall see. My Alfredo, on the other hand, doesn't know all his words at all, so at least I won't be on the receiving end of the majority of the anger...!

I am thoroughly enjoying Traviata. What a chance. To learn this role in Italian, and in such a friendly, non-stressful way. I am very lucky to have an Alfredo that I get on with well, and the rest of the society are so lovely and have been very welcoming (not always the case when outsiders come in to play lead roles in amateur societies). The director, Nige, is a giggle - even if I realised where he got a vast majority of his inspiration when I watched the Gruberova/La Fenice 1992 production DVD the other day - and all of this adds up to a very fun experience indeed.

Scarily, it is almost April. April marks the start of Diva season for me, which is both scary and exciting. Luckily, April is Rigoletto, for which I only have to learn two small roles (that I'm understudying); otherwise I think my March would have been far far more stressful! Then May is the Donizetti (La fille du regiment) in which I am singing chorus, so a bit more music to learn. I have just about sorted out my accommodation - thanks to a truly wonderful selection of friends daaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhn saaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhffff who are willing to give me sofa space (for up to 10 days in some cases) for the price of a bottle of wine or box of chocolates. I am very very lucky to have such lovely and supportive friends. Not sure what I've done to deserve them, but I am very grateful to have done it!

Hmm - what else?

Ah, I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but my phone died. A really horrible death. Lost half of my contacts (because I had them on my phone not my SIM) and all my photos, some historic (including Toby's trip to Paris in 2008!) and some more up to date (including all my Milan photos :( ). Now, whilst this is upsetting, I am not one to live my life by photos; everyone has friends who do the photo *taking* and I am not one of these people. If I were, I dare say the photos wouldn't have been on my phone in the first place.

Anyway, throughout the trip (and specifically on my last day, on my way to the bus station to go to the airport), I saw lots of things which made me giggle, and I took photos, and was planning on tagging people as appropriate. Here's what I can remember:

Via G. Verdi - Sara - GiuSEppe VERdi :D
Via Venti Settembre - Mummy, because it's her birthday
DUCKS! - Carmel, obvs
Caffe Firenze - with the caption "think they're a bit lost" - Zoë (because I always think of you when I think of Florence)
Caffe Basso - was going to attempt to tag all bass 2s. Bass 2 love, guys, just for you.
Tattoo parlour - "there's one everywhere" - Ellie, obvs

Also, there was definitely something about maths that I was going to tag Justin in, but obvs can't remember that one :S

I will no doubt remember more as I go along. Now all I have to do is work out how to tag people when this post appears on Facebook!

Ah yes, and the other thing I was going to say was that I have given up chocolate and swearing for lent. Neither have been entirely successful so far, as I went to my grandmother's house for dinner one evening and, honest to God, simply forgot that I had given chocolate up for lent. I think I'd probably forgotten it was lent. Anyway, I had 3 After Eights. I didn't realise until I was doing some washing up the following lunchtime. Error.

Anyway, only an hour later than I had anticipated, my life is here for his weekly cup of tea, so I shall leave it there.

Current estimate of crash and burn time - 1.30pm, half an hour into the dress.

:S

xx

Oh goodness, where did February go?

2011-03-05T13:56:00.000Z

No, really, I mean I know it's short and everything, but March 5th? ALREADY?

Traviata is in under a month and I haven't managed to donate any proper time to it yet, which is most distressing. Still, I have my Welsh gig tonight (really looking forward to it - more on that shortly) and then the next three weeks are Traviata, Rigoletto and Fille du Regiment. And the aria from Brahms Req.

Busy, much?

Things I am enjoying/looking forward to right now:

1. Singing in Welsh. It's really really lovely. Plus I sound better than Katherine Jenkins. Is anyone from the WRU reading this?
2. My Granny and Grandad are coming to see my Welsh gig tonight. They are bringing Welsh cakes. Both these things are awesome.
3. Tomorrow and Monday are (kind of) Days Off (TM) - and Justin's here! Bonus!

I only have a couple of minutes as I'm due in a rehearsal, but I wanted to vaguely catch up with things; might blog again later... So things of note since Milan:

1. I miscalculated my taxes. In a good way.
2. I now have a new netbook. It's lovely.
3. Items 1 and 2 are related.
4. My phone died. In a major way. I lost all my photos from Milan (booo :( ) and texts I'd kept (for sentimental and administration purposes - basically ones that said "I love you" and ones that said "this person's address is..."). Also half of my contacts, but that hasn't been too much of an issue to be honest.
5. I now have a shiny Blackberry, don'tcha know.
6. Items 4 and 5 are related.
7. Into the Woods was really really awsome. I miss it lots.
8. My voice is still not entirely 100% after the shreaking and the belting.
9. Items 7 and 8 are related.
10. Items 3, 6 and 9 are inextricably related.

This blog is at risk of becoming a paradox so I'm going to go and rehearse now...

xx

A little more about Milano...

2011-02-09T20:45:00.000Z

...because I wrote notes, and obviously I have to write them all up otherwise my brain might explode.

So, where did I even get to?! I think we'd covered the bit with the Aussies, the taxis and the really REALLY bad pizza (no, honestly, I can't even describe how hideous it was...still finished the whole lot between us, mind...). So, that brings us to Thursday, and La Scala which I've also done. In quite a lot of detail.

My roommates for Thursday night were an interesting bunch to complete a week of wide ranging nationalities - there was a super quiet Italian guy who didn't say anything until the next morning when as he was leaving asked me my name. Random. Can't remember his. Then there was Rossi the Swede. Rossi likes English girls. He asked me lots about what words meant, but I think it was all a ruse to get me to speak. I think this because just after we met he said "please, just speak to me, I love the English accent"...Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... And to complete the set, we had Rodriguo, the Argentinian politician. Well, he said he was involved with a party in some way as his day job. We didn't talk politics - I didn't think it was wise. We talked about music a lot though - he is a massive fan of the Beatles, and desperately wants to go to Liverpool one day. I hope he doesn't make it - it'll be like Paris Syndrome where tourists from Asia visit Paris and when it doesn't match their expectations, they descend into fits of depression...

So, what else happened on Thursday? Not much really. I spent so much of it queueing. How frightfully British... And thinking that one day, people will be doing the very same thing to see an opera that *I'm* in at La Scala. Well, maybe. If I'm one of the lucky non-Italians who gets in. A girl's gotta have goals, right?! :D

Ooh something opera-related that I forgot to write about... One of the flautists looked at her watch just before she played the last note of the Intermezzo in Cav. Made me smile anyway - like it's the perfect way to check how quickly/slowly the performance is going that particular evening. She didn't look happy. I guess it must have been a slow one. It was 11pm by this point and it was supposed to finish around then. It didn't.

Friday was essentially a case of getting up (actually setting an *alarm* - how hideous), meandering to the station and getting a bus, to get the train, to get the plane, to get the train (to go to the festival...) so not much to report. A few things made me smile on the way to the station, and I took pictures as appropriate. When I work out how to put them on here, I shall do so. They haven't made it to Facebook yet, though, so don't hold your breath. A couple of language-related things really made my day. A lady asked me the time and I answered in quite a conversational way - I know this seems small, but it's these little exchanges that make you realise you might just be getting the hang of the language. Then I walked past a poster advertising a stand-up comic, which said (in Italian) "I'm from Rome, but it's not my fault..." Made me giggle anyway.

Generally, the other stuff I have written down is a random selection of thoughts relating to the whole Milan experience. They are as follows:

- It is quite ironic, and quite disgusting, that there is a coffee shop quite near the super posh shopping bit that offers "The genuine American coffee experience". Seriously, this is Milan. On the plus side, I saw no branches of Starbucks. It seems that even multi-billion dollar international brands know when they're not wanted *sometimes*...
- Crossing the road is quite hazardous. They seem to have a system by which when the green man shows, you can cross, but people turning *into* the road you're crossing can also drive over it. I discovered quite early on that if I walk with enough confidence ("I'm walkin' here"), they stop. Mainly.
- Italian tights are fantastic. I should buy more. Oh *no*, I'll just have to go back to Italy...
During my time in Milan - and I may have said this already - I was so happy (no offence) that I didn't talk to a single British person. Amazing. Instead, I met people from China, Japan, Argentina, Sweden, Australia, New Zealand, Egypt, Belgium, Germany, Costa Rica and Italy (obvs). Just wonderful.
- Italians seem to have an aversion to full length dresses. Or anything approaching the knee, to be honest. The *one* thing that I could have justified buying in the fashion capital of Europe was a new ball gown. Seriously, *nowhere* to be found. Ridiculous.
- I didn't buy shoes. Seriously, I deserve some kind of medal.
- Everybody out there (well, all the women...and probably some of the men) owns a fur. Part of me wished I'd taken mine, but then I doubt theirs are fake and cost £20 from eBay.
- It costs 6 euro to see The Last Supper. *Just* The Last Supper. You have to pay another 25 if you want to get into another Da Vinci exhibition and see *any* other works. Um...I'm good, thanks.

...and to finish, some random memories that I scribbled down on my bus trip to the airport (more for my benefit, if you'll excuse the selfishness, but I hope some of them make you smile too):

- 23 euro to essentially go three doors down the street and be shouted at in Italian by a random man
- The way to find a taxi in Milan is, seemingly, to stop looking for one and walk down random side streets
- The worst pizza in the world. Ever.
- La Scala; it was epic. One day, I will be on the stage instead of the first gallery.
- Walking til my feet bled. No, literally. Oops.
- The top of the Duomo really was stunning. Both the architecture and the views. Again, photos to follow...
- My first non-UK geocache (even if I wimped out of all the others)
- Watching Rugrats in Italian. Hilarious.
- Sitting on a bench next to a pond in a really lovely park, with the sun on my face, and praying.
- Being asked to sing opera by the Aussies, who responded to my request for a particular aria by saying "Cosi fan tutte?"
- Attending a service at the cathedral and actually feeling like God was there. Plus, I understood a little bit of what was going on.
- Sharing the peace in Italian with a bunch of Italians
- The lovely old basilica I found on the way home one evening, where I stopped and had a lovely quiet half hour or so. God was definitely there too. That was nice.
- Being desperate for a salad on the Thursday - who knew I could ever get to the point where I didn't want to eat any more pizza?!
- The way the toilets flush. Giggling at the sign that said "remember to turn off the handlebar" before realising that it actually *was* a handlebar.
- Being in a foreign city and still managing to find a proper sweet shop where I bought some awesome lemon sweets.
- The "London Fashion" in the department store I went into. Seriously. Never seen anyone in London - or anywhere else in the UK - wearing what they were selling there.

...and that was Milan. When I got into my rehearsal on the Friday evening, Jonathan (director) said to me, "So, how was Milan? Did you Eat, Pray and Love?", to which the answer is yes. I did all of these things. Clearly I ate a lot, and I prayed a fair amount too. Without wanting to make you all vomit, I loved also, but apart from the gelato and pizza (worthy recipients of my love, it must be said), I started to love my own company again. It took a while, but that was one of the main objectives of the trip. I'm happy to say I was successful :)

Next, I think I'll go to Germany. Haven't been for a while and I'd love to go to Berlin, Frankfurt and Bayreuth, for obvious opera-themed reasons. Plus, the beer is awesome...and I can eat lots of sausage-related produce. Until I start craving a salad on the fourth day...

xx

La diva a Milano...non più :(

2011-02-05T18:29:00.000Z

Buonasera tutti,

So, no longer in Milano, which is most upsetting. Especially as the weather as I was leaving was really lovely (and much warmer than it had been) and landing in Liverpool was essentially the exact opposite. I swear the clouds in the North West are actually made of cement. The landing was so bumpy that the cabin spontaneously burst into a round of applause for the pilot upon landing safely. RIDICULOUS.

Anyway, there are a lot - and I mean A LOT - of things that I have scribbled down to blog about here, so probably best to go and get a cup of tea before continuing.

...right then - tea in hand? Comincerò :)

I should probably start with my 'review' of the opera at La Scala. The evening (predictably) was one of two halves, so I shall start with some general stuff about the evening, then talk about Pagliacci, and finish with Cavalleria rusticana...

La diva al Teatro alla Scala

I wish I had found out earlier that the gallery tickets were not, as initially assumed, for some kind of opera house membership. I was confused, you see, about the amount of legislation on the website (in quite poorly translated Italian, incidentally). However, confusion aside, here I was at 11.30 in the morning, sitting on an Italian newspaper (that I had only managed to translate the first three pages of - best laid plans...), doing a Codeword in my trusty puzzle book and setting myself up for a day of time-killing.

The guy in front of me in the queue was a nice local man called Antonio. I chatted to him for a bit (in Italian, don'tcha know) and we talked about how this ticket system worked and whether we had anything similar in England, and how he loces opera, and La Scala especially. Then I ran out of words and went back to my puzzle book.

The two girls behind me were lovely - the ones I mentioned before who didn't understand the drunk Milanese guy either - and I got chatting to them later in the day. Maria-Sofie is from Germany but moved to Milan 5 years ago to improve her Italian, and forgot to leave. She is now studying for some kind of international relations degree, but tells me that if she can't work in that field, then fashion is a close second choice. Her friend, Carolina (Milanese, but didn't understand the old guy either) is studying a similar subject, but seems more set on a career in diplomacy/IR, mocking Marie-Sofie slightly for convincing herself that working for a fashion house would be a good use of her degree.

Anyway, queuing. The English are very good at queueing. The Germans are too. The Italians, I thought, were pretty rubbish at it, but here we were, in a nice orderly queue (with people popping out every now and again, with the blessing of their co-queuers, for the essentials (coffee, pastries and cigarettes). 1pm came around and, sure enough, on the dot, the nice lady took our names down and we all went our separate ways until 5.30, when we were to return for the roll-call (sounding more and more like what I'd actually signed up to was national service).

5.30 arrives (after a slow lunch and a quick geocache!) and here we all are again for the roll-call. Ah. Right. The procedure is not quite so clear this time - do we line up in our order from earlier again? Do we just all hang around in a non-descript clump? Guess which option the Italians went for... Then the nice lady from earlier starts calling out names so we can get our little raffle tickets with our number on - trust me, when there are about 100 people in a non-descript clump, there's only so much one nice lady can do. Still, being 14, I got my tickets nice and early. But then what? Do we have to hang around until the box office opens (at 6)? Do we queue again? Do we hang around in an even more non-descript clump than before, nobody entirely sure whether being at the "back" or the "front" would give them a tactical advantage? Again, no prizes for guessing what actually happened. Still, we needn't have worried as we all hung around and were then ushered into the box office (at 6) in our order to pay for our ticket. Then Maria-Sofie, Carolina and I said our goodbyes again, but not before they'd told me that my best bet for a non-extortionate pre-theatre drink would be the student/arty district just a bit north and the other side of the theatre (if only I had met them pre-Aussie-trawl-around-Milan...) Found a nice bar (with a very nice barman) and sat myself down with a lovely cold "birra alla spina". The girls had explained the concept of evening drinks/apperatif type thing in the bars, but I wasn't bothered by the idea of any food, so I found somewhere that just let me have a drink without trying to force bruschetta down my throat at the same time. Alas, this one beer did cost me 5,50 euro, but it was nice. And it was somewhere to paint my nails and change my tights. Haha.

Back at the theatre, after a mammoth treck up quite a few stairs, I was sitting next to two guys who were near me in the queue (unsurprisingly) and we got chatting (in Italian to begin with then quite rapidly changing to English as his English was better suited to discussing the finer points of the operatic genre than my "Can I have a coffee please" Italian). I tried to say a few times that I was a singer, but it wasn't going in, because Cav is his second favourite opera ever, so it was like getting Justin started on maths. "What is your favourite opera of all time", I asked, hoping for him to say Traviata, because then I'd have something to talk about (and an excuse to talk, which no singer really needs, but it is more difficult when you're not in your own country). "La Traviata, without a doubt" he said. AMAZING. I then told him that I was performing the very same in April, at which point he actually got quite embarrassed about having spent the last ten minutes telling me about opera and why it's so special. Well, I did try. "And your favourite Violetta?" - Callas was the reply; I don't even know why I asked. Sutherland also made an appearance, though, which surprised me as the Italians (and specifically the Milanese) have a reputation for not bestowing their respect and admiration on anyone whose name doesn't end in a vowel. And have "Italiano" firmly stamped on their passport. Damn it, I was in there for a moment... There is a young non-Italian singer, he said, whose Violetta he also really enjoys. Feeling more encouraged by the recent mention of La Stupenda, and intrigued by who this other imposter might be, I asked him what he thought of Renee Fleming...

..."Who?"

Pagliacci

This was, for me, the highlight of the evening, making it even more annoying that they didn't follow what I believe is the normal order of putting Cav first. More on that later, though. I was essentially sitting on the ceiling (although there was a whole other balcony above us - the joy of being 14th in the standy-by queue) and so I decided right at the start that there was no point in trying to *see* the show. Instead, I thought I would just sit, read the surtitles (on individual screens! ...and there was an English option!) and enjoy. Goodness me, did I enjoy. All the parts were sung with such musicality and beauty that it was hard not to cry at times. Tonio's (Alberto Mastromarino) rich baritone brought a lovely deep colour to the theatre that was very well suited to his haunting character - his Prologue received one of the biggest rounds of applause of the evening and his portrayal of the slimey Monostatos-like fool was just right. Nedda's (Kristine Opolais - Latvian!) birdsong aria was really very beautiful and Canio (Antonello Palombi) delivered his famous Act I aria (Vesti la giubba) with such control and yet with such passion that it brought the house down.

There was a moment of confusion for me in Act 2, because in my head, Nedda's bit on the side and Colombina's bit on the side are played by the same person, but when I heard a tenor where I was expecting a baritone, I was quite lost. Wikipedia has saved the day, though, and all is well with the world.

My only regret is not getting up when I realised it was the start of the final sequence - by the time I did stand up, Nedda was already strewn on the floor and Canio was running towards the front row of the stalls, where Silvio (Gabriele Viviani) was standing (actually in the audience). The final chase resulted in Silvio being stabbed right in front of the rich Italians in the front row. A very neat and inspiring way of linking with Tonio's words from the prologue, that this play is inspired by a true story, and that the emotions that actors portray are real emotions, the sorrow, the love and the anger are all genuine and that the actors portraying the story are normal people like everyone else...

The Interval

...was lovely. Seriously, the 'cheap seats' at La Scala put the 'cheap seats' at Covent Garden to shame. The hall where the 'poor people' can have their drinks is still really rather impressive, and the refreshments on offer are nothing short of wonderfully Italian. Prosecco is the primary drink on offer, with minature snack-size sandwiches and a small selection of sweet treats (guess what I went for) representing the ice cream and minstrels of Covent Garden. ...and the free nuts. I had lots of those.

It is also worth mentioning here something else that I noticed at La Scala that I have not noticed elsewhere: tactical clapping. The order seems to be: 1. Curtain closes, 2. Curtain opens for chorus bow. 3. Chorus master joins chorus and they bow together. 4. Curtain closes. 5. Curtain opens and principals take individual bows. 6. Then continues as normal with the conductor being brought on by the leading lady and the whole principal line taking a few more bows than is strictly necessary... However, the clapping almost died entirely during the post-chorus-curtain-closing bit, to the extent where I think I was not the only one who thought that maybe they were electing not to take calls to further underline the "reality" aspect of the storyline...

These Italian audiences like to clap when there are people there, and not waste their epithelials on red velvet.

Cavalleria Rusticana

Hmm. So the nice man next to me loves this opera. This was abundantly clear to me by the time it started. It was like watching a child on Christmas Day. The piece started and I was reminded why so many people love this tiny little opera. The music is, quite simply, beautiful. I felt myself getting quite emotional during the preludio, looking round at a completely packed opera house, wondering how people think this art is dying. Something like opera can never die - as the nice man was telling me, before he realised he was preaching to the converted and regular participator, opera reaches into your soul like no other artform can. Its most powerful weapon is that it so easily unites audience members - young, old, rich and poor - with the performers (young, old, poor and poor) through the experience of the most fundamental of emotions: Love, hate, anger, betrayal, joy, grief, celebration and loneliness.

I decided, by way of an experiment, to stand up for all of this one, attempting to ignore my surtitles as much as possible and keep track of what was going on. Seemingly, it was relatively successful, given that at one point, when I thought Santuzza was going on about having been outcast by society, I looked at my subtitles to see "I have been excommunicated" staring back at me. Every now and again, I wanted to check what they were singing, but instead challenged myself to look at the Italian surtitles of the nice man in front of me, which was, all in all, a successful plan. Not a lot happens, though, in summary, which made the understanding aspect a lot easier, I dare say.

The intermezzo was stunning. The resulting ovation was well-deserved by the orchestra. Unfortunately, I felt that the Easter Hymn was disappointing (I'm sure I've heard it sung better by amateurs, which bearing in mind the price that some people were paying for the priveledge is criminal) and Santuzza (mezzo Marianne Cornetti - American!), although clearly incredibly talented and well-loved by the Milanese public, was a typical stand-and-sing Verdian singer and belted quite high in her register, such that at times, it was quite uncomfortable to listen to. There was also a slightly awkward moment when, just before collapsing in a highly dramatic way, she pulled her skirt out from under her knees, so as to make the fall easier. Error. Lucia (Elena Zilio), on the other hand, was a most convincing contralto voice, and her powerful, well-used belt was not insulting to the ears once. An excellent performance by a lady who I imagine is somewhat of a stalwart of the Italian opera scene.

Turiddu (Francesco Anile) was really very impressive at times, although his first aria, Lola's Song: Fior di giaggiolo, ended on a not-quite-convincing last note, which was an unfortunate start to what was otherwise a very convincing and musical performance.

So all in all, I felt that the performances were the wrong way round, although I think the Italian audience would disagree with me, as I felt that Cav was definitely the popular choice.

...I wanted to blog more about Milan in general, but unfortunately, I have run out of time and now need to go and shoot people with lasers in the name of Into the Woods cast bonding.

Ah, the life of a diva...

xx

La Diva a Milano - giorno 4...

2011-02-03T13:31:00.001Z

...e questa sera, vado a La Scala :D

I miei piedi sono molto freddi perche ero in coda per oltre un'ora, e alle 5:30, devo tornare a coda di nuovo per ottenere il mio bigletto...

Anche, il mio posto è essenzialmente nel cielo, quindi posso vedere nulla!!

Ma, è La Scala, e potrò sentire, che è la cosa più importante :)

...basta.

The last few days have been interesting. I reached a bit of a brick wall with my Italian, because I can now get around unless it gets complicated (buying some tights this morning for example - the glamour - was going great until she tried to point out all the special offers they had and would I like to buy 4 pairs and get the 5th free, or buy any of their sale items...) The phrase "mi dispiace, parla un po' Italiano, ma non basta" is coming in very handy.

My roommates have been interesting. First night I had two people from Costa Rica (Maria I think, and Eric - a very Spanish name) who had just been to Venice and were going to Florence. They were lovely. Then the second night there was just a guy from NZ, whose name I forget...he had also just been to Venice, and was in town for the Milan/Lazio game, which apparently was entertaining but goalless. Perhaps it was fortuitous that I wasn't out at the opera on Tuesday. Clashing with football fans after Cav/Pag is probably not the best recipe for a relaxing post-opera experience. Then last night it was the Aussies. Andy and Liam. And...someone else. Really bad with names. Anyway, they were good fun. They persuaded me to go out for a few drinks (and spend my last 10 euro) but the night quickly descended into ridicule as we got a taxi up north to this random bar that had been recommended to us by a random group of young Italians that Andy had accosted on the way...but that turned out to be 20 euro to get in, which only included one drink. I think the issue there was Andy being so forthcoming with the "yes" at the question "touriste?"...! So taxi back to the hostel because none of us could be arsed by that point. Essentially 23 euro to go 3 doors down the street. Still, we had a beer and the most disgusting pizza I have ever eaten (bad pizza *does* exist in Italy, guys - and when it's bad, it's BAD) so it wasn't all bad... Add into the mix the randomly super-drunk Italian guy who apparently owns the best fish restaurant in all of Italy (which apparently I am going to before I leave...oh no, where did I put that napkin with the address on? Oh noooooo... :S) and loves the Prodigy (all this was in Italian, mind - there were other bits involving being like some famous guy's brother, and also the police and the mafia, at which point we stopped trying to understand) and a most entertaining night was had by all.

Hilarity.

They had to get up at 6.30 to get their train - Milan was just a stop over for them, but they saw the cathedral, and saw all the back streets of Milan looking for a non-existent bar in studentsville. And met me, obv. Who could ask for more?!

So today is La Scala day. I'm just in an internet café at the moment, killing a bit of time, but I might see if there are any geocaches in central Milan that I think I can find. Can't really be bothered to go back to the hostel, because it's bloody freezing outside, and I can only just feel my feet again. To be honest, I like the idea of sitting in a warm café all afternoon, but they're not so hot on that here. Certainly not as non solo Italiana... That said, I just had a cappuccino at a lovely place with a separate 'lounge' to sit in upstairs. I need lunch, though, and I am determined to eat something that doesn't contain cheese. That seems to be all you can get in cafés...

Oh other amusing thing of the day was randomly being approached by a guy in the Scala queue, having been nattering relatively happily (in Italian!) to his friend, Antonio. I had my iPod on, so didn't notice until too late that he was talking to me, but it didn't really matter because a) I'm pretty sure he was drunk and/or on something and b) the nice girls next to me who have lived in Milan for 5 years didn't understand him either. Apparently the Milanese have a very strong accent. I guess it might be like someone from Glasgow trying to talk to someone from Spain. Hilarious.

I am noticing accents, though, which is something I am pleased about. The lady who runs my hotel, for instance, is Chinese, and at first she just sounded Italian, but when I surround myself with native Italian speakers all day, I can definitely recognise that she is speaking Italian with an accent. I must sound awful. Having said that, though, people are happy to talk to me in Italian, so they can't think I'm a Stupid English - although when it comes up, most people think I'm American or Australian, so maybe I do speak Italian with an accent...just one that isn't mine

Allora, è basta per adesso. Domani, il mio vuolo è alle ore 1:30 (circa...?!), quindi oggi è il mio ultimo giorno con il tempo libero!

Ciao!!

xx

La diva a Milano

2011-02-01T18:37:00.002Z

Buonasera tutti :)

Sono a Milano questa settimana, per rilassare, e forse per migliorare il mio Italiano... Ma anche per mangiare molto pizza e bevare molto caffè :D

Enough of that.

In summary, Milan is lovely, full of lovely people, and lovely food. It's bloody freezing, but I'm chilling out (in more ways than one haha) and just settling down this evening to start learning some Into The Woods so that Rebecca and Jonathan (directors) don't hate me *quite* so much for taking an impulse holiday two weeks before show time.

On that note, come and see Into the Woods. It's going to be amazing.

I saw the Duomo and La Scala today. Touristy stuff DONE. Now it's just me, pizza, learning music and sleeping. AWESOME

That's all for now folks, at 1 euro per 10 minutes, I don't have much to say ;)

Ciao tutti,
xx

On a very busy month. More ups and downs than one of these new-fangled rollercoaster things...

2010-12-28T21:07:00.002Z

Goodness, it's been a while. Well, it doesn't feel like it's been very long at all, truth be told, but that's because I feel like my feet have hardly touched the ground in the last month.

So, hope you all had a lovely Christmas? More on mine a little later...

Let me see, where was I? Sitting in the First Class Lounge at Piccadilly station I believe. In the middle of a pretty frantic couple of days, during rehearsals for Fledermaus and such exciting things. Yes, that's right.

Now, I'm going to go through my diary to remind myself what happened that may be of some vague interest. I also want to talk about the following:

- My 2011
- God
- Taxes
- Family at Christmas
- Dead laptops

An interesting shopping list if ever I saw one.

Right then. Things of note that my diary reminds me of:

1. My good friend Sara had her college auditions (for PG courses). Now, if there was ever a girl that deserved to get into college, here she is. Despite that, however, she is still hanging on for more news, as she has a reserve place offer from the RNCM. I really really hope that it works out for her this year, because she fought her way back from a string of rejections last year, which a large amount of singers don't have the balls to do. Keeping everything crossed for her. Do join me.

2. I did my first ever Bach Magnificat and Christmas Oratorio (parts 1, 2 and 3). In the same concert. With a rehearsal in a church that didn't have any heating or lighting until 2 hours into the rehearsal. So the soloists weren't really needed in any way and we could have all got up later. Lovely gig, though. Nice flowers.

3. An audition for Heritage Opera. I felt a little unprepared/too ill for this, but felt that I should go because Claire (agent, daaaaaaaahling) had managed to get me an audition on the day when they didn't really have any more spaces. More on this later.

4. Fledermaus Party Scene. This was so massively interesting in a variety of ways. As I've said before, Diva are a really lovely company and I am definitely looking forward to working with them next year. More on that later also. The day of the show and the show itself were very strange - mainly in a good way! For a number of reasons. Sharing a stage with Kiri and Jose was a bit weird - such big names et c et c - and I was surprised at how quickly the "show bubble" feeling enveloped me. Very odd to say goodbye to people at the end of it - but everyone else seemed much easier with the whole thing (that'll be the fact they've done the scene a fair amount before then!)

5. Gig with Dore Male Voice Choir. Wonderful gig. Wasn't looking forward to it because my voice had really started to give up by this point, but it was so much fun. Lovely people who looked after (and fed) me (and Justin!) during the afternoon. I didn't sing too badly, but it was really appreciated and I loved listening to the male voice choir - one of the sounds of my childhood. Nice flowers from them, too.

...why do girls always get the flowers? This bugs me. I mean, flowers are lovely and all, but it is incredibly stereotypical to give the girls flowers and the men alcohol. I would much rather a bottle of bubbly. Still, good practice for the Christmas "no, really, it's just what I've *always* wanted" smile... :S

6. Another Trav rehearsal. Really productive. Think it's going to be a really lovely production. Need to practise being backhanded though. And dying in the arms of my lover. Did I say *lovely* production?! I meant full of violence and sex. Awesome. Come and see it. RNCM April 2/3rd.

7. Lots of Into the Woods rehearsals. This is going to be awesome. Much less sex and violence. Much more controlling mothers and really fit men. Suppose that's a way to find out if they're reading this blog... In all seriousness, though, this production is going to be great. Just as soon as I do some piano and flute practice. Ho hum... Come and see it. RNCM Feb 16-19th.

8. Work Christmas party. It's been a while since I went to one of these. Actually quite good fun. I left before I got too drunk (a good plan, I think) and just as one of the boss/director/partner type people started chatting me up. Not before I had a whisky on his card behind the bar, though...

9. My last gig of the year! A Messiah with Salford Choral Society. Was literally dreading this gig because my voice was well and truly dead. However, it was a fabulous band and a really great choir. Matt (the conductor) is a friend of mine, also, so a good gig was had by all. No flowers, though. Or champagne.

That pretty much brings us up to speed. Other things of note include:

- I've ordered my graduation clothing. Crazy. I'm actually going to receive a qualification. Who knew?
- My laptop is a bit dead. I tried to be super geeky and install Linux and wipe Windows, but alas it would seem that it is a fault with the motherboard. Less fixable, those.
- I need to update my website. Badly.
- I did some carol singing at Manchester City football ground. Random times 'r' us.
- Santa *still* wants me dead. Says so in my diary. Thanks Tom.
- Taxes aren't much fun. Especially when you forget how much money you owed HMRC from the tax return you offset because you couldn't afford it 2 years ago. Still can't afford it. But shall have to. No new laptop for Lorna :(
- Christmas is, always has been, and always will be stressful for me. This year was no different. It always surprises me each year, though, which particular bit is stressful. Suppose it keeps me guessing and doesn't let it get stale though, right? Hmm...

In final (excellent) news, in addition to the chorus job for next year, Diva have asked me to cover two small roles in their other opera (Rigoletto) and Heritage have cast me as Micaela in their production of Carmen in October 2011. Things really are looking up :)

I think I should probably leave it at that for today. God probably deserves His own blog post anyway, to be fair.

xx

Living the High Life...

2010-11-28T19:46:00.000Z

...quite literally, actually. The Virgin First Class lounge at Piccadilly is up on the concourse level, so I get to look down on all the unfortunate souls who aren't currently drinking free tea and eating free shortbread.

Teehee could get used to this.

Anyway, today was fun. There was a brief moment of panic last night on my way up because there has been (until today, it must be said) a general lack of information circulation on the subject of Traviata rehearsals. I was left, therefore, with a sense of foreboding about today's rehearsal. As Jon (Alfredo) wasn't going to be there until later on, and Nick (Baron) wasn't either (although he has since dropped out) I was concerned that the actual amount of *rehearsing* wasn't going to justify my having come up especially and paid £45 for the privilege... I needn't have worried. The director (Nigel) is lovely and knows exactly what he wants. His geography planning is perfect - that is to say that he knows exactly where he wants everybody to start and finish during a scene and who they need to meet on the way. Having said that, he is also quite open to suggestions about what we do in the meantime and, thankfully, we are entirely on the same wavelength, so we tend to have the same ideas about things.

So all in all, a great rehearsal. Very productive - I worked for the whole 5 hours (which is exactly what I wanted to do) and all was wonderful.

Back to London I go...

...to a tube strike. Yawn. Just sitting here (in the First Class Lounge - did I mention that?!) and planning my journey. Highly annoying. But hey, I will have had a large amount of free stuff and sat (probably slept) in a nice comfy chair on the way down, so by the time I get there I probably won't care. Here's hoping anyway...

From midday today, my timetable is something like this:

12-5pm rehearse Traviata in South Manchester
5.30pm - pop into college to drop of train ticket for friend
6.30pm - get to Piccadilly and settle down in First Class Lounge (don't think I mentioned that before)
8.20pm - get train to London (First Class...alright, alright, I'll stop)
11pm - arrive in London and spend an hour travelling to my step-brother's house
12am - collapse in heap somewhere in the vicinity of Portobello Road. Hopefully in a bed.
11am - rehearse Fledermaus in a random church somewhere near Hammersmith
2.30pm - finish rehearsal and hot foot it across London (during a tube strike...) to Euston
~3.30pm - get train to Manchester
6-9.30 - rehearse Into the Woods at RNCM
~10pm - get home, die in a heap

...then I'm back to my 'day job' on Tuesday. Oh the JOY.

Yawn.

More tea anyone? Might have a lemonade...

xx

Today's good news is brought to you by the letters D and S and the number 2...

2010-11-27T23:51:00.000Z

Greetings.

Isn't it cold? I got off the train earlier this week in London and took the piss out of Carmel for wearing a wooly hat and scarf. "This isn't cold" I told her, scoffingly.

Then I was in London for a few days and I got used to it.

I have been in my flat back in Manchester for over 2 hours now, with the heating on full in my room, and I am still BLOODY FREEZING.

Verily, this is what Cold is.

Anyway, moving on from my blue fingers...

This week has been a multitude of things: Tiring; London-y (i.e. away from home, transport costs LOADS et c et c); full of friends (which has been very nice indeed); and rewarding.

Primarily, though, it has been a really fab few days. I had an audition on Tuesday (yes, another one), and I really feel like I'm getting into my swing with auditions. I forgot to take one book with me which meant I had to change my rep at the last minute but I felt I was *able* to do that, which is something that probably wouldn't have been the case a few months/a year ago. I felt it went quite well, given that I was doing the Laughing Song (so not *exactly* the kind of rep I've been doing!) - we shall see, as with all auditions, it depends what they want.

Then I had the Day Off on Wednesday (please see previous post). Boy did I enjoy that.

(Thank you to Carmel in here for letting me slob around her flat on Wednesday and half of Thursday - I hope your flatmate enjoyed the 3-bean soup...)

On Thursday, I started rehearsals for Diva Opera's Fledermaus scene (to be performed with my bessie mates Kiri and Jose)... Diva is a really lovely company - I feel very lucky to be starting on my post-college journey with such fab people. We had a couple of afternoons with just the "newbies" (essentially we're beefing up an existing setup for the Albert Hall - I'm happy with my role of "extra body"!) and then today we had the first big group rehearsal. I didn't expect there to be *quite* so much dancing, but I'm just about getting to grips with it (although I'll be very grateful for the long skirt covering my footwork). Next rehearsal on Monday and then we see each other again in the run up to the actual gig in a few days. Hilarious...

(Thanks here to Ellie and Jon for putting me up for the second half of this week - and letting me consume an obscene amount of bacon, even if I did nearly cut my fingers off whilst cutting it into bits. And for just generally letting me be at home in their flat whilst they were off doing actual important things like concerts with hideous conductors...)

Anyway, yesterday, I had some really good news. Claire (agent, daaahling) rang me in the morning to say that Diva were really happy with me at the first rehearsal on Thursday and have offered me a 2nd soprano chorus role in one of their shows next summer! I cannot put into words what a joy it is to finally get something out of these auditions. Especially with a company that I really want to work with; I was gutted when Claire told me originally that they didn't have anything for me apart from the Albert Hall gig...

A good interjection here, I think, is to say that after my first Diva audition I bought my bright red coat whilst shopping with a fellow soprano. She commented that, in her experience, good things come out of auditions after which purchases have been made. CLEARLY, I will buy something every time now. No? Doesn't work like that?!

It has made me think, though, about what a difference a year makes. I like to think I went into college with my head a lot more screwed on than a lot of people at college, but nothing prepares you for the endless rejection from auditions. You get more used to it, probably as a self-protection mechanism more than anything, but it makes you realise how hard it is to get work in this business. Especially when you're starting out.

Justin and I have something in common here. As we both start out in our careers (at 26 and 28!!) the first job is crucial. Moreover, it is likely that we will only get one offer, and it is that offer that we must take. As I say, though, I am very lucky in that my offer has come from a company that I had already decided I wanted to work for. Fortune has smiled upon me for once!

Anyway, I have no details as to schedule yet, but Diva are a tad busy so this is entirely understandable. I am told by others in the Fledermaus cast, however, that it is a really lovely summer tour, in some very pretty venues (and countries!), and that's good enough for me :)

...it begins :D

...and now I must sleep. Tomorrow, Traviata. Bit different from the 2nd sop I've been singing all week. This could be interesting...!

xx

A day off!! An actual day off!!

2010-11-24T14:46:00.000Z

Slight case of radio silence recently - sorry about that. However, I am currently residing in that most hallowed of situations - A Day Off.

Please see previous blogs for further discussion of these lesser-spotted luxuries!

I postulated a few days ago that a day off in London would be anything but. However, as I am staying at the lovely Carmel's house and literally have nothing to do (other than learn all my music before my rehearsals start tomorrow), I have decided to stay indoors. In fact, it's 2.30 and I still have a towel on my head from the shower I had an hour ago. When I got up.

AMAZING.

Later, I'm off to the Science Museum with the lovely and incredibly lesser-spotted SiY from my Warwick days. The museum to this immensely inspired series of "Lates" which are for adults only, and essentially exist so that you can play on all of the machines and press all of the buttons without snotty 12 year olds getting in the way. What a truly awesome idea. Tonight's theme is Games and Gaming - a topic of mixed levels of excitement for me. It will be much better if they concentrate on the traditional and retro rather than going all crazy over the new kinds of games you play these days where you have an epic story to follow and it all looks like you're in a cinema. I hate those games. Give me PacMan and original Mariokart any day.

I mentioned that I have music to learn. It is not a *huge* amount of music, but I feel that I should really be off-book by the first rehearsal. You know, as they're paying me quite a bit of money and all. Only fair, I thought. Learning music is something that splits singers right down the middle (figuratively, but also literally should it not be going well). I am - I realise - one of the lucky ones, for whom it is quite easy. I have my grandmother and her photographic memory to thank for this, I am sure. I am also fascinated by languages but not good/motivated enough to have studied them past GCSE at school. Science had somewhat overtaken by that point... So learning music in a foreign language (mainly German, French and Italian, with the occasional bit of Russian - and Welsh, for a concert I'm doing in March!) is a perfect combination of things for me.

Granny asked me when she saw me at the weekend how I go about learning music. I think she has asked me this at least 10 times before, but I'm a singer and therefore like talking about myself, so I let it go.

Essentially the music has to come first for me. Don't know why. I just listen to it over and over, work out the notes on a piano if I need to (this is Fledermaus chorus - note-wise it doesn't get much simpler) and then when I'm happy with those I move onto the words. Translation should really come first but a fair amount often sinks in through the note-learning, so in the case of Fledermaus, this morning is the first time I've sat down with a translation and worked out what I'm singing. Once I know what I'm singing, learning the words becomes a lot easier. Then it's just a case of repeating and repeating until it sinks in.

I should also really work out some other stuff, in order of importance:
1. What the other chorus parts are singing (especially if there is some call and response)
2. What the principals are singing about
3. What's going on in this scene/these scenes
4. What's going on in the opera

Whether I'll get all 4 of those done by tomorrow, I don't know, but I have a huge fear that I'm going to get picked on by the chorus master and asked to explain what exactly *is* going on RIGHT NOW in the opera. I'm hoping that the fact we're doing it out of context as "The Party Scene" will make the chance of that happening lower. I think I might be kidding myself.

Oh, and I'm going to be dancing. Did I mention that?!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Right, I'm off to have lunch and do a bit more learning. Then I might work out if there are any Geocaches nearby. Geocaching, you say? What's that? Check out www.geocaching.com and find out. It's amazing. No really. Well maybe only if you're a geek that likes treasure hunts. Oh and some kind of GPS device helps, but I haven't got one yet and I'm doing okay...

xx

On the subject of A Complete Lack of Inactivity for the Morally Dubious

2010-11-14T22:35:00.000Z

So. "No rest for the wicked" seems to be my catchphrase an awful lot of the time. I have mentioned before (I am pretty sure) that currently I have three jobs and I am doing two shows. This means the following:

1. Every day is a potential work day
2. I take days off when I can

Combine this with the facts that a) I am very bad at doing nothing (I just get bored - plus, I always have stuff to do that is put off until a Day Off) and b) days off are often mid-week when it just doesn't feel right to do nothing, you get the following:

3. I don't ever have a proper day off

Now this is not good. I'm aware of this. However, is a day off just a fantasy that nobody ever really gets to live out? Perhaps. Anyway, I have a couple of 'days off' coming up - one on Sunday 21st, when the gorgeous Justin is also in The North (hurrah!) and one on Wednesday 24th, but I will be in London that day, so it's not a proper day off because I will inevitably spend money I don't have and not be able to relax. I might spend most of the day in the Tate Modern. I know that makes me a pretentious art fan, but I don't care.

An aside about Modern Art - one of my favourite things (not unlike brown paper packages tied up with string) is walking round the Tate Modern and doing one of the two things at any one point:

i. Admiring the art on a very deep, intellectual level. Looking at a piece, saying "ah, yes, I really see what the artist has tried to do there". Complete with lots of "hmm"s and the occasional chin stroke.
ii. Pointing and laughing at people doing the above.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, lack of rest. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very grateful for the amount of singing work I've got in the next few weeks. I'm just really very busy and a lot of the singing work involves learning new music, which also makes statement 3 above even more true. I've said it before, but I am so glad I'm a secretary - my diarising skills are probably the thing that's keeping me sane and on the straight and narrow!! Switching the old grey matter between different projects is getting easier too. A life skill for my chosen career, I feel.

First Traviata rehearsal today. I think it's going to be a good show. Although Jon (the tenor) wasn't there because he was busy on an army course learning how to shoot things or something. The next rehearsal (in a fortnight!) is the first with the director, so that'll be interesting having not done all of the music!

In other news, I need a new gig frock. No, really. I have one. What kind of a soprano has ONE gig frock?! Ridiculous. Shopping will occur in the next few days. When, I'm not sure. Please see statement no. 3.

Tomorrow, Glyndebourne. Good thoughts at 3pm please!

xx

PS - the Cold seems to be on its way out. Let's hope it continues on that trajectory...

On the subject of The Bag (Pulling it out thereof)

2010-11-14T00:18:00.001Z

Just a quickie before bed (oo er) - I am happy to report that Him Upstairs was very much on my side this evening and I was very happy with both Rejoice (even nailed the triplets - in one breath - score!) and Redeemer. The latter was perhaps a little gripped at times, but it was well received nonetheless, and I had some lovely comments afterwards. A fab performance all round - plus the soloists joined in with the Amen, which was - frankly - awesome.

Now then - where did I put my Strauss 4 Last Songs score? Should really look at that before next Saturday...

...oh, and I should look at some Trav before my rehearsal tomorrow, shouldn't I?

More soon when I'm not half dead.

xx

Bad Practice Days - an addendum: Hard Songs.

2010-11-12T22:44:00.002Z

So. Today wasn't so bad as far as practice goes, but still wasn't great. I don't think the gig tomorrow is going to be my best, I have to be blunt.

However, my addendum is this. Sometimes, pieces are just difficult. They are Hard Songs. This happens a lot with Puccini, as a good example - you look at the music on the page and you go "well that looks easy". Then you sing it, and you realise that you're going to need at least 17 canisters of oxygen to get through half of the phrases.

So you may be having a Bad Practice Day, but maybe you think it's worse than it actually is because you're also trying to sing A Hard Song.

This is what is happening with a particular piece at the moment. Rejoice greatly, from Handel's Messiah, to be specific. In tomorrow's gig, I am doing the 12/8 version which is, it must be said, easier than the simple time version. However, it is still HARD. I don't much care for triplets. It's like they have been sent directly to me from the head of the "We Don't Want Lorna To Have A Career" company. To taunt me.

Maybe the simple time version will be easier. I may be singing that in the second Messiah of the season on 18th December. So that gives me just over a month to be less shit.

Hmm. Still, today was better than yesterday, so tomorrow will be better than today, right?! And my rehearsal for Trav on Sunday will be even better again, and my Glyndebourne audition on Monday will obviously be the best I've ever sung!

I love logic.

xx

On the subject of Bad Practice Days

2010-11-11T19:18:00.000Z

Ah yes, the Bad Practice Day. The curse of the singer. Not to be confused with what I have christened the Check Out Girl Day. This is something else entirely and I will blog about that when I'm having one. Meanwhile...

There are a few facts about Bad Practice Days that are common to all:

1. They always happen when you really need to do lots of practice
2. They always happen when everybody else is being really productive/good
3. They often happen when you're about to watch (or, worse, take part in) a lesson/class/masterclass

They happen to us all and I don't know why I let myself get so worked up by it.

Take today, for instance. Today is Thursday. I am working tomorrow and then meeting a friend for a couple of drinks. On Saturday, I have a gig (a Messiah, in Gainsborough - come along!). On Sunday, I have a rehearsal in the afternoon and church in the evening. On Monday, I have an audition for Glyndebourne.

Quite a lot to do. See fact no. 1 above.

Today is a Bad Practice Day. QED.

It did not start like this. Oh, no. They often don't. I had a rehearsal for Into The Woods (Feb 2011, RNCM Studio Theatre, come along...okay, I'll stop) from 10 until 2ish, and it was super awesome all round. My flute playing (yes, you read that correctly - who knew I'd pick one of those up again?!) has improved quite of its own accord, because I certainly haven't had time to do any real practice since the first rehearsal. My 'scene' in the opening (a 'rap' for want of a better word - look up "Into the Woods, Witch Opening, Greens" on Youtube) went really well and I'm chuffed at the preparation I've done for it which means it slots nicely into what is shaping up to be an awesome Opening Number.

Then during a break I tried to do some vocal warm ups. It was then that I realised. The rest of the rehearsal was fine, but la voce (dahling) has been anything but since. Tried to do some practice just now but it's just not a nice sound. It's very forced and very tight. And tired. And not at all like Lynne Dawson sounds on the recording of Handel's Messiah that I am listening to (and, in the case of her ornaments, simply copying). I know we can't all sound like Lynne Dawson when we're singing Handel, but I had hoped that having lessons with her for a year would have made me sound a little less like Amy Winehouse when attempting coloratura.

Oh shush Lorna. You are better. Normally. But today is a Bad Practice Day, remember?

I am fighting off A Cold. A Cold is a singer's worst nightmare. Somebody once told me that singing is "a good career if you're generally fit and healthy". They're so right. However, in a perfect example of some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy nightmare, we spend so much of our time worrying about getting a cold or trying to fight one off (aaaaaah, Vicks First Defence, how I hate thee), we probably lower our energy levels to the point at which such efforts become much more necessary than if we'd just shut up and dealt with it.

Goodness. What a load of waffle. Who'd be a singer?!

Anyway, essentially, I feel like I've been coming down with something for a little while now and it's not going away, however much Vicks I shove up my nose (sorry) and however many Tyrozets I numb my mouth and throat with (great things, but not if you plan to sing any time in the following two hours), it's still niggling. And I want it to go away. But such things require rest. This is not something I have time for.

I was going to rest this evening and then I was reminded that I should really hang around at college for a Barbara Bonney masterclass (please see fact no. 3 above).

And so the circle continues. I shall take some more Vicks tonight before bed. Might even take some now. Because I worry that if I don't, I'll get ill, and all I will think is "ooooooh if only I'd take some Vicks on Thursday evening, I would *totally* be fine now". Nonsense.

Also, I need a massage because I am very tense and things. Singers are always tense. It's all the worrying about being tense that does it.

In other news, I haven't chosen my rep for my Glyndebourne audition. Was given some interesting feedback today, though, from their general response to this year's auditions. This has helped slightly. I think I shall do Marzelline's aria from Fidelio because I can sing it in my sleep.

At this rate, I might have to sing it with a cold.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

...and I'm fine.

xx

A wonderful quotation...

2010-11-10T23:54:00.000Z

Post number two of the new era. It's a short one because it's nearly midnight and I'm rather sleepy. I have a silly amount of things in my diary - three jobs (secretary, front of house and general singing - auditions/gigs et c) and two shows (Into the Woods and La Traviata - could you get much different?!). Yawn. Anyway, on that subject (and also partly to test out my new Twitterfeed account, which should update Facebook automatically with any new posts), I would like to share this nugget with you all. I took it from a little booklet I have called Word for Today. Essentially, it is a rather Americanised, but often useful and inspiring, daily God-related thought, complete with Bible quotations where appropriate. This was from a couple of weeks ago and really spoke to me:

Your purpose is always connected to your giftedness. God doesn't call you to do something you've no talent for. Economic necessity may require you to work for a season outside the area of your core strengths, but don't settle there. Seek God's guidance, sharpen your gifts, be patient, and God will open doors for you.

I feel so many doors being opened at the moment, and I am so blessed that quite a large chunk of my income over the next 6 weeks is from singing work! It is - gradually - working. More practice is required though - I think the second bit of that last sentence could well have been written for me... "Sharpen your gifts", i.e. don't just sit around waiting for the work to come in, do some hard graft so that when it does, you're the best you can be!

On that note, I'm off to bed for a good rest before my rehearsal at 10 tomorrow!

Night all,
xx

A questionnaire thing to get me restarted...

2010-11-09T22:36:00.002Z

So. I'm blogging again. This is for a few reasons, not least that I'm a singer and therefore inherently narcissistic. Also, I was writing a diary whilst at college and that seems to have stopped. Maybe this will be more successful...(!) Times right now are busy and exciting, although tough and stressful, so I thought that instead of making my first post (of this era) a massively self-wallowing rant/debrief, I'd start off with a proper Facebook-style "getting to know you" questionnaire. So, here goes...

To start with...
1. Where did you take your main pic?
The picture on here was taken at Doubletake Studios in London I think. They were ages ago, and I'm *still* using them - although now I have some lovely up to date B&W headshots care of Justin :)
2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
My super-diva-esque leopard-print dressing gown and slippers (from Matalan...such extravagance!)
3. What is your current problem?
Money. Money money money. Always money.
4. What makes you happy most?
Being able to earn money singing, and have a wonderful support network of some very special people.
5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
No music - Gordon Ramsay's Best Restaurant is on the TV...
6. Any celeb you would marry...
Um...I think I'm too old to excitedly think about the answer to this. Is Justin a celebrity? He will be in the wide-ranging field of Group Theory, if that counts?
7. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
My beautiful pseudo-twin, the immensely talented Sonna :)
8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?
I'd be a pretty crap professional singer if I said no...
9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Billie Piper and Anneka Rice...
10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
Why does this word have two different spellings? And yes, obviously. When I have free time (I have some pencilled in for 2013)
11. Do you speak any languages?
Similar answer to question 8, really, although not as convincing an answer. Yes, French, German and Italian (in that order, just about)...
12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Grandparents, but not the ones I'm closest to, who are still live and kicking. I am very blessed in this respect.
13. Do you ever watch MTV?
Not really. Please see question 10 RE free time...
14. What's something that really annoys you?
To be honest, a lot of things. However, as life goes on, I try and let more and more of it pass me by. I'm going to go with drivers with poor lane discipline (*cough* Sara *cough*) and apathy.

Favourites...
1. Ice Cream:
Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough. SUPER NOM.
2. Season:
Winter. Yes, I know I'm odd. I think you can do more to warm yourself up when it's cold, though, and I overheat far too easily. Yay snow :)

Do You...
1. Dance in the shower?
...people do?
2. Write on your hand?
Yes, because I can't lose it (well, not without trying really hard).
3. Call people back:
Yes, because it really really annoys me when people ignore my calls!
4. Believe in love:
Definitely. I was once about C. S. Lewis's book The Four Loves - he writes that there are four very different types of love: Storge (affection, born of familiarity, so relating to the love between family members); Phileo (friendship); Eros (in the sense of 'being in love'); Agape (unconditional love - which Lewis sees as a specifically Christian virtue, and which has an obvious relationship to the love for, and from God). I am so blessed to experience all of these.
5. Have any bad habits
...everything that comes with being a singer (although these are obviously my strengths as well :P) and worrying.
6. Have any mental health issues:
...did I mention that I'm a singer?!

Have You Ever...
1. Broken a bone:
No, although I did nearly chop my fingers off when I was a small child.
2. Sprained stuff:
...hasn't everyone?!
3. Had physical therapy:
No, not really. Some deep tissue massage due to ongoing tension issues, but nothing serious.
4. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
No, alas. I would love to, but I've decided that I shall wait until I'm being paid to see the world ;)
5. Been stung by a bee:
I think I sat on one when I was young - these days I run so fast when I see one, they don't really have a chance...
6. Thrown up at the dentist:
...wow. Throwing up at a dentist? Really?
7. Sworn in front of your parents:
Haha - the first time it happened, we were talking about whether such a thing would be appropriate. I said "...but Mummy, I could never swear in front of you, you'd bollock me..." ...wait...
8. Had detention:
I'd like to say yes because it would make me more cool. However, I think the answer might be no.

Who/What was the last...
1. Movie(s):
Revolutionary Road at Sara's house last weekend. Not quite what I was expecting, but it was truly astounding. In many ways.
2. Person to text you:
Che - my new socialist, Christian, singer friend (2 out of 3 ain't bad) :)
3. Person you called:
My voicemail. Before that it was Sara but she didn't pick up. Before that, the bank. Wow, my life is amazing.
4. Person you hugged:
Justin I think - now he's all in Germany :(
5. Person you tackled:
Haha. Sara. When I squashed a chocolate mini roll on her face.
6. Person you talked to on IM:
Um...Che again.
7. Thing you touched:
I am struggling to work out how the answer to this can be anything but 'the keyboard'...
8. Thing you ate:
Triple chocolate ice cream. It is still sitting next to me looking more like depressed mousse. Should really put that in the freezer...
9. Thing you drank:
One of Greg's beers. I had a craving.
10. Thing you said:
I literally don't know. I think it was probably "it's basically mousse now" when I was discussing above point with my housemate.

Well, now, wasn't that exciting?!
Will post again soon I hope :)

xx

From the depths of despair, come the greatest surprises...

2007-11-11T22:25:00.000Z

This weekend has been absolutely lovely. And really rather surprising, when I think about it. Allow me to explain...

I had plans for this weekend. Whilst exact details had not been discussed, there were still overarching all-encompassing, quite exciting plans, involving a lot of wine, crap food and girly conversations. Now, for various reasons, this was not the weekend I ended up having.

It all started on Friday night. For whatever reason (yes, I know this is really very girly), getting stressed about what to wear - especially if it is a specific occasion with unspoken dress code rules - is a huuuge trigger for me to go on a downer. Now is not the time or place to talk about my general levels of happiness, but suffice to say that I have been very unhappy in the past, and still suffer occasionally when something triggers a downer. Well, this happened on Friday. What I wanted was to be shouted out of it ("don't be so bloody miserable - put some shoes on, I'm meeting you in 10 minutes" - that kind of thing) but what I got was quite different. I think it was probably a case of her understanding that I really wasn't *that* bothered about coming out, because the evening wasn't really my scene, but it came across as really apathetic about the whole idea of seeing me full stop. This did not help matters. I spoke to Alastair online, who cheered me up, and then I went and spent £30 in the supermarket (such extravagance) - which cheered me up even more, and meant that I was happy by the time I went to sleep (apart from a brief relapse when I got stressed about booking my December visit to France)...

So - Saturday I had a lovely lie in (joy) and then gradually thought about getting up and facing the day. Afternoon coffee had been mentioned in the conversation Friday evening, so I thought I would make contact and see what was going on - unfortunately, however, it seemed that coffee was no longer on the cards. More to the point, neither was seeing me at all over the weekend.

Now, this is where it got bad. The reason is that - as mentioned at the top of this post - I had set aside my whole weekend in anticipation of 2 days filled with wine, gossip, tea, crap food and DVDs. This had meant leaving work early on the Friday, and postponing plans to see my mother - generally, not good preparation for then being somewhat shunned and left on my own.

So - the moping begins. I'll spare you the details. In my desperation to find something to do, however, I stumbled across a Facebook event for a wine and cheese party up in Leamington, which I had previously turned down because of my plans for the weekend. This is when it all started going right again :) I decided that I would use the £10 I'd set aside for the weekend of wine and gossip, and use it to pay for a train ticket to Leamington, go to said party, hang around on Sunday and make my way back to London at some point in the evening, ready for work on Monday...

So - here we are, Sunday evening, and I feel a lot happier and more refreshed than I did at 3pm yesterday. The party was really good fun - just wine and cheese and great company, the occasional dip into YouTube for amusing clips and a lovely evening was had by all. I had a really good chat with Sarah last night as well, which underlined a lot of things I have been thinking recently (see previous posts about how the whole scene up there has changed) and generally made for a happy Lorna.

I can't put my finger on what was different about this Leamington visit - I think it was probably the combination of people more than anything. There was nobody there who stresses me out in any way, which I think is exactly what I needed. It was good to see J&F again, and Caroline was totally on form - I haven't laughed like that for a while... Seeing Alastair was great too - and I'm so happy for him because his visit to Leamington was really productive and happy-making as well. I think the fact that Justin - another "escapee" - was there just completed a great set of people for me to spend time with, bearing in mind my reasons for being there in the first place.

And, as if it couldn't get any better, we went (window) shopping today and I got into lots of clothes that wouldn't even have touched me a couple of months ago. There was a lovely dress in Jane Norman which I think really suited me (quite 50s-esque - square neckline and lacy straps, very hugging and knee length) and - shock horror - I even got into a pair of size 12 trousers which made my day/week/year. They were a bit too tight, and they weren't a very flattering cut (quite clingy round the thighs!) but I got them done up and I could breathe. Sarah and I also went on a bra trying-on spree in La Senza, where she discovered that she's gone up a cup size in some designs (which scared her slightly) and I discovered what I have suspected for a while - I am a back size smaller than I wear, and at least 1 cup size bigger. Unfortunately, the cup size is now one which isn't sold in regular shops. I foresee a trip to Rigby and Peller when I next have a spare £50 (ha!)

I can't quite put across my feelings about having lost weight and fitting into clothes which I know would have laughed at me from the hanger only 2 or 3 months ago. It is, without exception, the first time I have steadily lost weight. Ever. There have been fleeting times when I've lost half a stone here or there, but it's been because I've specifically dieted or exercised, and it's all gone back on straight away. My diet and lifestyle have changed completely, and it is as a result of that that I'm losing weight, which gives me hope that it will carry on in the same fashion. I will have to be careful, of course, when I have more money, not to eat more crap again, but this feeling is so good that I want it to last :) Justin, of all people, was the one to comment on it the most actually. Justin is one of those people who is very blunt most of the time, so when he compliments you, it's somehow way more genuine than if it had been said by anyone else. That made me feel really good about myself :)

So there you have it - a great weekend, snatched from the jaws of defeat and depression.

Life is great, sometimes. The only thing which would have made the weekend completely perfect would have been Jon's presence, but he was there in spirit :)

Over and out.

xx

Sleep deprivation/saturation and anonymity

2007-11-06T10:51:00.000Z

So.
There are two things which are bugging me at the moment, although I am sure this post will include more things as I think of them...I am at work, you see, and therefore am really quite bored and looking for other things to do. Facebook is not allowed apart from lunchtime, so blogging it is...

Sleep deprivation vs saturation...

For whatever reason, I am finding it almost impossible to get out of bed. Now, I'm not good in the mornings generally, but winter is always much much worse, and I've been trying to get a good amount of sleep. This raises a dilemma - am I getting too much sleep? My Dad thinks so. Take last night, for instance. I was in bed by 10.45 and I am certain I was asleep by 11, because I don't remember much "waiting around"... My alarms (count them) go off at 7, 7.10 and 7.20 in an attempt to get my out of bed some time before 7.45, which I normally just about manage. This morning, though, I didn't get out of bed until 5 past 8 - a whole *hour* after my first alarm went off, and more worryingly, a whole *9* hours since I fell asleep.

Arg - what is wrong with me?

I am also generally quite tired during the day. I simply don't know what the matter is. I don't think it's S.A.D. (as Alastair said, possibly one of the worst acronyms ever) because, frankly, I'm actually quite happy at the moment (shock horror) and I love winter generally - I much prefer it to summer because a) I don't get sunburnt, b) there's a lot more one can do to warm oneself up and consequently c) it's much easier to regulate my body temperature - something I have major problems with over the summer period...

Anyway - if anybody has any wonderful suggestions, which don't cost any money (i.e. not spending over £100 on a light box thing to wake me up with) then answers on the back of a postcard (or in a comment field)...

Secondly, anonymity. I have also decided that this should be renamed as the London disease. Before I moved, I was quite looking forward to nobody knowing who I was, and in a way, it is still quite refreshing not to have to think about the politics involved in everybody you bump into (am I supposed to be talking to you? Did we ever make out at Top Banana? Did you cheat on a friend of mine? With a goat?). However, having had various conversations with people about this, the lack of conversation - or even eye contact - on public transport is very alienating. Now, I am more chatty than most (a huge shock, I am sure) and occassionally, I will find someone with whom a brief exchange of words can take place with. These fleeting moments are very efw and far between, though, and are just that - fleeting. When I was younger, I used to strike up conversations with anyone that would listen on the train to school. I thrive on human interaction - I'm a thesp, for God's sake. But no - on the tube or overground in London, eye contact seems to mean you fall into one of the following categories:

a) is a pervert of some kind
b) is a terrorist
c) is very very strange and hasn't been told the rules yet
d) erm...that's it

It's just wrong. But I find myself doing it. Yesterday, for example, I was waiting for the train to pull into my station, and I was standing behind a woman who was also getting off at my stop. Her left earring had worked its way almost completely out of her ear, and I'm almost sure that by the time she got home, she would be mono-earringed. But I didn't say anything - why not??!! It's madness! I honestly can't answer that - I think it may have been a combination of how quiet the train was (because nobody talks - back to square 1) and the fear that she would think I was weird for looking at her earring in the first place (because nobody looks anywhere apart from their London Lite or their shoes).

It upsets me. There was a news article this morning about the fact that people don't hug enough. Now, I'm not suggesting people go up and hug entire strangers, but wouldn't it be nice if that happened? I'm seriously thinking of setting myself up a stall like the bloke on the news did, saying "£1 for a hug - proceeds to Children in Need"...but I'd probably just be arrested for planning on blowing up the tube system or something.

In other news, Jon was here last week, and it was lovely :) We managed to see just about everybody that Jon wanted to see (apart from Bex, Jaime and Alastair - and that might just be it) although it was very tiring doing so. Jon worked out that with all the travelling (including Grenoble to London round trip) he could have travelled from London to Moscow and got some of the way back. That's a lot of miles. Still, it was good, any many lovely meals were had (even if I did end up spending a little more than a) necessary and b) I had)... I'm going out to see him next weekend (Sat 17th) and then hopefully the second weekend of December, too, although that will depend on flight prices, which at £47 are through the roof at the moment (!) and I won't have any spare money for another couple of weeks...

I should really get back to work...nobody is in, and I'm awful at *actually* getting stuff done when this is the case. Today, I have to:

- create a Powerpoint presentation 'showcasing' our charity's new website for the annual meeting on Thursday
- draft a thank you letter to a very important man who gave us lots of money
- organise many meetings (this is a daily occurence)
- sort out the financial filing/reporting system with my boss (having spent lots of time creating a beautiful spreadsheet, only to discover that she also has a shiny spreadsheet, and obviously it will be hers we end up using)
- hand deliver a choir score back to somewhere near Westminster, because I don't have any money to post it
- Do some research on aforementioned important man so that my boss knows more about him

I love my life.

xx

Hmm...

2007-10-29T15:14:00.000Z

...I'm not doing very well at blogging often, am I?
I think I always knew this would be the case, though.

Over the weekend, there were plenty of things I wanted to blog about, but now that it's 20 past 3 on Monday afternoon and I've been at work for 6 hours, suddenly I'm not feeling inspired anymore. Maybe there's a lesson there. Like don't work, or something.

Anyway - Jon is in England, and this has made Lorna happy :) Other things of note are as follows:

1. Leamington is not really the same anymore. I think this is because everyone's going off to do their own thing (buying houses, getting proper jobs, living in different places). When we all got together on Sunday, it was lovely, but it felt more like a reunion get-together than an item in an established social calendar. Does that make sense?
2. Some of my friends (no names) work too hard. Now, I know this is a relatively normal view - and that wouldn't it be great if we didn't have jobs, we didn't have to work really hard blah blah blah, but that in reality it's just not the same? Well, here's the thing. Why not? I mean obviously we have to have jobs, but the bit about working so hard? One of my friends once described work beautifully - an inconvenience between the hours of 9 and 5. In fact, it may have been the same friend that I am now talking about. Can't remember, though. Now, this friend is being paid a pittance but she still puts in ridiculously long days "because she has to". In my book, people get what they pay for. In a way, it makes me feel guilty for doing so little work in the job that I have now - I mean, it's busy during the day, but I go home at 5 or 5.30, I arrive at 9.30, I have a full lunch break, and it's all quite chilled out. Now here's the interesting thing - I don't feel at all loyal to my job because I don't think they pay me enough. I could blog more about this, but I don't want it to be public yet, so watch this space. The point is, though, that when I demand more money from a job, or more benefits, or whatever, some people think I've got balls of steel, when the truth is, I just know what I'm worth and won't settle for any less. I wish others thought the same way.

Quick thoughts-for-the-day/past week are as follows:
1. Sainsbury's own brand "chunky" soup is much, much nicer than Heinz "classic" soup, and is almost certainly cheaper (no receipts to hand, so can't confirm this fact).
2. Wagamama is fantastic.
3. Having Wagamama twice in 4 days is *not* overdoing it.
4. A conscious "poignant" placing of the word "we" where you didn't necessarily expect to hear it can make you smile for days :)

That's all for now, I think.

xx

An emotional and tiring weekend

2007-10-22T13:04:00.000+01:00

The weekend just gone was, generally speaking, really good. It was, however, tiring and emotional in equal measures, and I wanted to share some thoughts from it here...

Sarah and Alastair came over to stay - Sarah arrived Friday night and it took all of our awake time to actually get the bed blown up, which was hilarious, but then we both had a lovely long night's sleep before Alastair came to find us (via a few detours!) and we headed out into London.

So - this is the good bit of the weekend. We walked along a large section of the Thames, met up with Wega, which was lovely, and then wondered round the Tate Modern for a bit before heading home. Cue an evening of [albeit disappointing] rugby, pizza and ice cream - the most luxurious meal I've had in London so far!

Sunday was a little less upbeat for various reasons, some of which I won't go into because it's not really my place to do so. Suffice to say that Sunday was a day of reflection, of long conversations and of a few tears and unhappy moments.

From my point of view, the concept of a weekend spent with friends was a very interesting thing for my mind to deal with. I have realised recently that what I miss about Leamington and about my life pre-London doesn't actually *exist* anymore. By the simple fact that I, and a few others, have moved away, it can never be the same. It's very easy to get philosophical about this - in a "if a tree falls in the woods, but nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a noise" kind of way... The people involved in the social scene up there have changed, and therefore so has the scene itself.

My question is this: Is it easier to miss something which is still there, or which you know has ceased to exist?

I'm not sure what the answer is. It's quite a difficult one. I guess at the end of the day, however it makes me feel, it stops my "what if"s about moving back up there, and that can only be a good thing. I live in London now, and I need to get used to this. Friendships will, I am sure, gradually start to exist, and when that happens, I'm sure life will move me on in a way I cannot control. Until that point, however, it is very difficult to be here, when I know that there is a life up in Leamington that I used to be such a big part of. Except that it's not there anymore. Am I making any sense? Probably not...

Anyway - that formed the basis of a lot of my musing over the weekend. The second emotional event for me was talking to Richard, my singing teacher, last night. This conversation has been overdue for a long time, and 2 months of no lessons have rather forced the issue somewhat.

Generally speaking, life is dragging me along and I feel totally powerless to stop it. It is not going too quickly - it is more that it is carrying on without note. The last two months have been a blur purely because I'm not sure what I've done with them. This, I think, all boils down to singing in the end. I moved here because, ultimately, I thought it would help my singing career to be in London. As my previous post suggested, this has not been as easy as I perhaps thought - I did not expect the streets to be paved with gold, but I expected making contacts to be easier than it has been, and that it will continue to be.

At the end of the day, I have not done much singing since I've been here, and frankly this can only be A Bad Thing. Talking to Rich last night was really quite stressful. We've had a couple of these conversations before and they've all gone the same way - neither of us are convinced that I want this enough to make it work. In his words, it pisses him off to see my waste what he thinks is a fantastic voice, because I "don't give enough of a shit" about it all.

He's right, of course. My problem is that this is an argument of nature vs. nurture. Is that overwhelming desire to succeed inherent within us, or can it be introduced through sheer hard work and a change of attitude? I don't have a clue what the answer is, and I'm not sure Rich does either. He seems to come down on the "nature" side of things, but then he doesn't think I'm a hopeless cause, so that would suggest a belief in my ability to change how I think, and make a difference.

There is no doubt in my mind that I want nothing more than to sing full time. I know that no other job will make me happy - I have plenty of experience to back that belief up. The problem is, this lack of doubt is very passive, and does not lead to the all-encompassing desire to do everything in my power to make sure it happens. That is where it all goes wrong, and where I start crying. I want this career, and it makes me incredibly upset to think that it may not happen, and yet still nothing is stirring within me to make sure it does. I'm useless. It's true.

Another point is that a year ago I had "plenty of time" to think about a singing career - opera is for older singers, and people go to college in their 20s. Now, according to Rich, "time is running out" and I suddenly feel a pressure and urgency that has not been put to me before now. It's really quite stressful.

My main goals for now... - let me rephrase that. My main *goal* for now is to start practising. In order to do that, I need somewhere to practise, so I'm going to put the word around and ask the choirs I'm registered with to see if anyone can help. I'm not sure what I'll do if that draws a blank. I'm just not sure I can be bothered...

Arg. That is all.

xx

Let's start at the very beginning...

2007-10-18T22:01:00.000+01:00

...or perhaps not, as that might take a while.

Sooo - I finally closed down my old University blog (having stopped being a student *quite* a while ago) and then thought I should open up another one.

But why?

Perhaps this will be a place to share happy thoughts (maybe), keep my friends updated on what I'm doing now that I've moved to London (quite possibly), or just rant about things that piss me off on a daily basis (almost certainly...)

A bit about me?

I am Lorna. I am 23 (24 in January) and I moved to London this summer to pursue a career in singing. This is a buzz phrase, and I do not apologise for using it. Quite what I've been doing since, however, I'm not sure. I am discovering the hard way that London is very big, and is full of sopranos. I'm hoping, however, that London isn't *as* full of sopranos who do opera, musical theatre, jazz, session work and teaching as well as weddings, bar mitzvahs and funerals.

If it is, I may just be buggered.

In the mean time, I temp/do contract work as a PA, secretary, office manager and general office bitch. It pays okay and I quite enjoy it. I once tried to do a degree, but realised that Maths and Physics doesn't help a singing career (once you can count up to 4, you're pretty much sorted on that score) and that earning some money instead just might.

More about me?

- I have a wonderful boyfriend, Jon, but we are currently separated by the English Channel - and a few hundred miles of France. This doesn't seem to be a problem yet, however, and I'm pretty sure it never will be :)
- Giving you my family history would be interesting, as it is widespread, fractured and complicated. I am, in summary, both a singer/songwriter's daughter and a farmer's daughter. No, this does not mean I write songs about sheep. Although I might be missing a trick there...
- I sing. A lot. Mostly at quite inappropriate times. I have already been sacked from a job down here for humming in the office. Musically, I mean - I had had a shower that morning.
- I live in South London and have not yet seen a knife or a gun. Life is good.
- I like shoes.
- I also like handbags.
- I don't like matching sets of shoes and handbags - that feels like taking things a bit too far.

To finish, I shall share some thoughts from this week:

- There *is* such a thing as owning too many black clothes.
- London is big and it can be quite lonely.
- Whenever you think you're on your own, people you thought had forgotten you existed come out of the woodwork and make you smile.
- There are lots of free things to do in London (a lot of which I will be doing this weekend when friends come to stay - hurrah!)
- Love knows no boundaries, be that "knowing better", seemingly insurmountable obstacles, different countries or the passing of much time.
- This last fact restores my faith in humanity.
- Never buy Sainsbury's Basics bacon. It is horrid.

Over and out.
xx